When you get pregnant you are given an "estimated" due date. A timeline to prepare and plan. As a surrogate this is a timeline for many different things, planning for travel, finding a place to stay for the parents, it also gives you time to prepare where and how you'd like to give birth. For my IPs and I, the plan was in place and since we had done this before it was an easy decision, another home birth just like little R's big sister D.
As a doula I know the unexpected can always come up, I had supported so many through these unexpected things before but sometimes these babies really like to throw out the unexpected. I had spent months prepping and preparing for a home birth, on a Wednesday afternoon I had a routine midwife appointment, I got my home birth kit to bring home and all my forms to have ready, I had my birth tub, birth ball and supplies ready and was slowly starting to mentally prepare myself and my space for birth. I had my list ready to finalize and order of the supplies I still needed to get. We were all getting ready for the last few weeks of pregnancy, the fun weeks full of anticipation. I went to bed that night, after we went out to dinner for my youngest birthday, ready for another day at work and another day to prepare for labor.
1 am came around and it was my typical time to get up and use the bathroom, halfway back to my bedroom, my water broke and trickled down my legs, unexpectedly, and early, just shy of 36 weeks. I think I was in a bit of shock, so many things running through my mind, It's too early I kept saying, surely this isn't my water, I just peed myself, and no matter how much I tried to convince myself my water didn't break it finally set in and I called my midwives. Then I called the dads and my support person, I packed a bag, and woke my husband. Around 6:30am I was in a room in the hospital waiting to start antibiotics and a low dose of Pitocin. At 37 weeks they do a GBS swab and because I was early, we didn't know my GBS status and therefore needed antibiotics as a precaution.
This is where mentally, a lot is going on. I had never been induced, I had never had a vaginal birth in a hospital and I didn't feel like I had time to really prepare for any of this, but I was in it, and I had no choice but to go with it. And this is where having great support makes all of the difference, supportive midwives really made this an easy transition and a frantic call to my husband at 4:30am to have a panic moment and let out the fear. Change is hard, especially when you know your comfort levels are being pushed. I truly believe having the midwife I did made all of the difference. She delivered D and I was grateful to have someone who could help keep me informed and explain things as they came up, she is really great at knowing my body language and being able to keep things light and fun. She was able to advocate for me when i couldn't find the words, when you have midwives and have to transfer to the hospital, OB's sometimes get involved and in that moment the OB's had advice none of us were on board with, my Midwife was able to get everyone onto a better plan, one that prioritized me and my hopes, she really made this process to smooth.
Surrogacy as a whole we have a saying "trust the process" and here I was having to just let go and trust. Trust my birth team, trust my body, trust baby R and trust the process. Trust that R knew what he was doing by breaking my water, trusting that the Pitocin would work as we hoped it would and trust that R would be here soon. My ultimate goals were no epidural and no c section, so I was sending a little light out to the birthing universe that R was in control of this process and it would go as smoothly as it could.
Thankfully the Pitocin worked, just as we had hoped and by 830am I was nicely in active labor and managing very well. The dads got there in great time and it was all falling into place nicely. Around 12 pm things were starting to get a bit intense, I had been labouring very well and moving into lots of different positions to help get R into position. With lots of support from my support person, my husband and my wonderful midwives, after a little bit of a sticky shoulder, just like his big sister, R was born at 12:59pm.
And after a quick check down by the NICU team he was cleared and placed on his Dads chest. A perfect, healthy, big boy! I remember laying there, as my support person and husband comforted me, just in absolute shock, that for a fourth time, I had done it, I had had another beautiful baby. I had let go and trusted R and he was perfect. I will never get over the feeling of birthing a baby for another family and seeing that little baby placed into their parents arms for the first time. Everything you go through, IVF, pregnancy, contractions, birth all your body did to grow that baby. It's one thousand times over worth it, for that moment. Knowing you contributed to him having life, to their family being complete.
And just like that by 5pm I was home to my kiddos and in my own bed. I had yet again, surprised myself with my ability to adapt to the unknown, have a positive experience and feel happy and content with the birth I had even though it wasn't exactly what I had envisioned. Being able to have a safe space to navigate and talk out the unknown makes a big difference in being able to trust and let go. R knew what he was doing that day, coming when he did and as I sit here postpartum, he gets a whole extra month with his family. I learned a valuable lesson that day and gained so much more knowledge around birth and appreciation for my body. I have really experienced so many different births, taking away so much from each of them. Learning to let go and have hope in the unknown, to see the beauty in the unknown, what a powerful lesson little R taught me. He made me a better Doula, he made me better understand the power of support and that I truly can do hard things, I've never been fearful of labor and birth, but i have always been fearful of Inductions, and he proved to me I am capable of the hard things I am scared of.
I am forever grateful to have gotten to give him life, and I am forever grateful for the lessons he showed me and helped me navigate.
And just like that my second surrogacy journey comes to an end and little R is no longer bumping along with me, but home with his family, exactly where he belongs.
Comentarios